From the depths

by Aimee on March 25, 2009

Yes, I know I haven’t posted a single entry since October. Steph has kept me painfully aware of this. I haven’t read blogs, I haven’t listened to podcasts, I have barely left my house.

I have never made it a secret that I have depression issues. It has been something I have struggled with for a long time and about this time last year, they started to get really bad again. There was no specific thing to point to, just a lot of things. I went to the doctor and said I didn’t think my meds were working. They said nothing. I went to a specialist – someone who ONLY prescribes anti-depressants (and other such fun meds for crazee people like me). I said – Dr. Specialist – I don’t think I should be crying EVERY DAY if I am on Cymbalta. His answer – up the dose. That was in July. By September, it was worse. In October, the split happened. I attribute none of my depression to him – it didn’t help, but I have to own this and I do.

Flash forward to last week. I started going to a new GP thanks to Dani.. I told her I didn’t think the meds were working. And I mentioned (as I always do) that I don’t sleep for more than 2 hours at a time ever. I am always tired. Her solution – take me off Cymbalta – she offered several solutions including getting off completely or going on something else – I have to admit, I didn’t think I would ever be OFF anti-depressants – the first lupus doc told me I would never go off, but it turns out that after a period of time Cymbalta plateaus and stops working. I passed the number of years they recommend you staying on it solid (you can go off for a few months and go back on and it will work again) by like 3. yeah. they really weren’t working for me anymore. I am tapering off now. AND I am on a new sleep med which, unlike ambien, helps me sleep instead of stay awake and just not care that I am not asleep.

I have been taking a sewing class, knitting like crazy, working a lot, traveling all over, I have some exciting things coming up, I plan to start podcasting again. I am happy. Well, I will never be a ray of sunshine, but I feel better. And I have been back in the gym and have lost 9.4 lbs in the last 3 weeks! Things are looking up.

I am thankful to my good friends who have kept me from the edge and made sure I was alive. Who asked me if I was “going to do anything stupid” (for the record the answer to that is no – I had stopped cleaning and I can’t do anything dumb and have people come to my house and be like she was crazy and liked in a mess! no way!). I had one of the best New Years ever thanks to a great friend in AZ who flew me out for the week for a visit. I had a great opportunity to do something fantastic for a good friend. I have 2 lovely kitties who love and adore me because I have thumbs and feed them.

Not that I think anyone is still out there, but I am here – and I am planning to have a great rest of the year!

{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }

The steph March 25, 2009 at 5:49 pm

Well it’s about time, lady. Glad you’re back! And glad you’re happy. :) and glad I get to hang out with my happy friend!

The steph March 25, 2009 at 5:51 pm

So… Did you update your ravely page too? Get on it, will ya?

TheStormCellar March 25, 2009 at 5:53 pm

Not that I think anyone is still out there, but I am here

Whether you know it or not, I am still out there. And I’m really glad that things are looking better for you!

Danielle March 25, 2009 at 5:55 pm

What about the awesome wedding you were in. Come on you know it was a fun time in Dec.

Wendy March 25, 2009 at 5:55 pm

I’m out here. And pretty damn glad you are there!

Donna March 25, 2009 at 6:11 pm

Oh Aimee, my heart goes out to you. I’ve suffered from depression off and on for 40 odd years-it’s a rough road. The two worst enemies of depression are insomnia and a crappy diet. I’m so glad you kept pressing on about the meds not working and I’m happy you’ve found a med that will enable you to sleep. I’ll be holding good thoughts for you. Here’s to kicking that depression in the a**!!!

Jessica March 25, 2009 at 6:29 pm

I live with someone who deals with depression & the whole thing about meds is nuts with him… I don’t know if he’s on the right ones for him, he sleeps (? or does he actually sleep?) a LOT and well, it’s just not good for the kids…

Guess we need to go back to the doctor, except if he complains to the doctor, (one that deals mainly in meds) he just adds a new med rather than takes him off what’s making him Too Whatever! Last time he talked to the GP about it, he mostly didn’t want to interfere with what the other dr was saying… maybe it’s time to look for another GP! :)

Lynda March 25, 2009 at 6:55 pm

I’m still out here, but I haven’t updated my blog in a long time either….since October, but not for quite a while.

Kris March 25, 2009 at 7:14 pm

Glad you got a new GP and are hopefully heading toward a better treatment plan. Good for you for sticking with it and continuing to pursue it.

fgirl March 25, 2009 at 7:19 pm

Good for you! So happy you are taking care of yourself. (((HUGS)))

Kathy In Georgia March 25, 2009 at 7:56 pm

I’ve checked your blog every. single. day. Miss you when you aren’t around.

Jadielady March 25, 2009 at 9:23 pm

The good thing about subscribing, it automatically tells me when you blog :) I’m glad things are picking up. There’s a reason they call what doctors do “practice” but it sounds like you’ve finally foudn one who’s figured a few things out.


perpstu March 25, 2009 at 10:00 pm

I am so glad you are feeling better. I noticed that you have been talking more about knitting and sewing and I’m glad you are beginning to enjoy those little things again.

DataGoddess March 25, 2009 at 10:40 pm

*hugs* and I totally get it. I’m glad you’re doing better and found a doc that is working with you.

There’s a recommended length of time to be on Cymbalta?! I’ve been on it for almost 4 years now. Yipes!!

Hang in there. You were missed, sweetie.

CraftyCripple March 26, 2009 at 4:57 am

It’s good hear that you are starting to create again, and look forward to seeing pretty pictures. Depression is no joke and it certainly doesn’t help when the medical profession doesn’t listen. You were right to keep pushing it, and you are now reaping the rewards. I think everyone with health issues has to reach the point where they gain the confidence to tell doctors that they are wrong and you are right. Its a hard lesson to learn but a very valuable one that you never forget. And doesn’t a good night’s sleep make everything just that little bit easier?

Keep on creating!

LittleWit March 26, 2009 at 7:42 am

Hey you’re back! It’s wonderful to see this pink screen again. ;) I am glad to hear things are getting better. Let me know if you ever need anything. I may be far away but I am usually good for a joke :D

Jennifer March 26, 2009 at 9:25 am

I have family who deal with depression and I see the roller coaster ride the medication takes them on. It sounds like you have a good doc to talk to. I hope things continue to go well!

Joyce March 26, 2009 at 11:58 am

Hey! I’m here!! Been waiting for you to show up. I myself drop out every once in awhile and have some good friends that badger me back! People care more than we know somtimes.

Kate Lathrop March 26, 2009 at 12:50 pm

Aimee – glad to hear you’re feeling better. Glad your back, and can’t wait to see you at the fling. Sorry we missed each other over New Years, but there’s always next time!

Rachel Eldridge March 26, 2009 at 1:46 pm

I am here and thrilled to see you blogging. I’m sorry I don’t see you more around town.

Thanks for the honesty and sharing. As amazing as meds can be, they can be equally disappointing when they stop doing the job. I’m so glad you have the new doc.

Carol March 26, 2009 at 7:26 pm

It is seriously annoying htat no-one did anything when you told them the meds didn’t seem to be working! Argh. Glad you are doin gbetter. Will there be pics of the knitting?

AlliCat236 March 28, 2009 at 10:50 am

Welcome back! Hang in there and know we all are pulling for you.

turtlegirl76 March 29, 2009 at 11:54 am

I am very happy to hear this. I wish nothing but the best for you. Always have.

CapnBob March 29, 2009 at 11:57 am

I’m relieved to see you post again, I was getting worried and I didn’t know what to say or how to say it. You rock, and you deserve to feel like you rock every day!

ann/surr March 29, 2009 at 9:24 pm

i have completely lost touch with you for the past well… almost ever. i am sorry you were doing bad but am glad you are doing better. sending you some wishes for good things to come.

Jane Prater March 30, 2009 at 3:41 pm

Have you ever done a sleep study? Boy, I learned a lot and it has helped in all those areas we share.

Denise Katz March 31, 2009 at 1:36 pm

My thoughts are with you and I am so happy you are doing better.

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